For the people who want to write *really* realistic Azn pr0n

[petronia]

You know what would make really good lube? Oronine Ointment.

You know what would make the worst lube for anyone that wasn't a gag-carrying masochist? White Flower Oil.

The only two basic preparations you'll ever need around the house. And I mean it.

(Don't worry if you don't understand this post. At least you're not screaming at me in outrage. XD)

Comments

[cindyg.livejournal.com]

(skated over from various friends' journals...)

***dies***

White Flower Ointment. Oh. My. Goodness.

On the other hand, that's not really half as bad as my husband's suggestion of hair gel...@__@

[petronia.livejournal.com]

Hair gel: wouldn't you risk getting stuck together? XD

[cindyg.livejournal.com]

Oh, most assuredly. We had one of those moments in the drugstore while shopping, and hubby picks up a tube of this "super hard super hold" stuff. Knowing my inclination for lemon scenes, he said, "Imagine if your boys were going hot and heavy in the dark, and then pulled this out, thinking it was lube. Can you just see what would happen when the sticking starts..."

***dies***

He says this in the drugstore, ten minutes before I'm supposed to serve in *church*. @___@ Is it any wonder I love this man?

[ayuni.livejournal.com]

What brought about THIS?! o_O;;

[petronia.livejournal.com]

I love lube. I think it's a beautiful invention. ...No, seriously, one of two things tends to happen in yaoi fics: Mystery Lube, in which you don't really know what they're using because it's sort of gracefully elided (I tend to assume saliva, but saliva doesn't work all that well and frankly SPITTING UP DROOL IS UNSEXY), or Found Lube which is sort of like Found Narrative or Found Art only tailored more carefully to the series (like Janni's suggestion of motor oil in IniD). In actual Japanese doujinshi what you tend to have is Self Lube, but nobody wants to write that in English because it sounds so ridiculous when you try to put it in words - even if your character is a shapeshifting demon or something - so it ends up as Mystery Lube instead. ...Now obviously you can be fairly realistic with Found Lube, because there's a lot of household schtuff that works fine and would not send you to the emergency room or even stain the furniture, though some of them might melt latex condoms. But if you're going to be realistic, you may as well be totally realistic, hence this note. XD I mean, there are cultural differences. Marlon Brando uses butter, but do a lot of Japanese high-schoolers really keep sticks of butter in the fridge?

I find it amusing that the last two posts have had people asking what the Hell happened, when they basically consist of my brain's usual workings.

[ayuni.livejournal.com]

Marlon Brando uses butter?!?! o_O;; I'm a big fan of yaoi but using foodstuff for lube is rather gross, don'tcha think? :p

[petronia.livejournal.com]

In "Last Tango In Paris". An entire generation of indie film aficionados tramatised. XD

The number of people who write Foodschtuff Lube in yaoi is amazing, actually. I'd honestly rather they used Oronine Ointment. At least you won't smell like French fries afterward.

Pardonnez-moi! Freedom fries! *flees for her life*

[jantalaimon.livejournal.com]

...i'm waiting for bad MarySue IniD fic involving used motor oil. which tangentially relates, but. o.o;;;

mmm, carcinoerogenous!

[petronia.livejournal.com]

Carcinoerogenous is my new favorite word.

[iatros.livejournal.com]

White Flower...

Bwahahahaha...XD